Home // Blogs // susan's blog

Something I know about every state

Submitted by susan on Sat, 06/13/2009 - 11:11pm

 

  • If you don't get a chance to go on a vacation this summer, what because of everybody being poor and what not, don't worry. Here is a little something about each of the 50 U.S states. When you read these true facts you will feel as if you went on a vacation as great as any of the Vacation movies! Enjoy!
  • Alabama
  • The state flag of this state is a big red x in the middle of a bunch of white, that pretty much tells me that I should fear Alabama
  • The band with the same name is just awful
  • Alabama is known as "The heart of Dixie" everything that uses the word "Dixie" (yes even the little cups) in a positive way is racist
  • Most people from Alabama are girls with belly button rings and most of them have been on the 1990's dating show STUDS (Host of Studs, not from Alabama)
  • Alaska
  • Guys who play bass often talk about how they went to Alaska for a summer to work on a fishing boat and made a "shit ton of fucking money".
  • The salmon from there is good
  • I'm not going to talk about Sarah Palin
  • Every time I fly Alaska airlines (which is about once a year) I read about steak houses in Anchorage in the magazine that rests in front of my knees, every time this happens I wish I had brought a book or was flying Virgin
  • Arizona
  • Everyone from Arizona is either A.) drunk, screaming girl who is much too tan and got a boob job for graduation.
  • B.) old people
  • C.) Hippies
  • Arkansas
  • There are hot springs there (hippies love hot springs)
  • Bill Clinton
  • I forget about this state
  • California
  • I live here, it's pretty much three states so I'll treat like three states
  • A.) Northern Califorina
  • Is home to the both the biggest pot smoking hippies on earth and the weirdest libertarians who can and WILL shoot you if you give them any constitutional right to.
  • The State of Jefferson is in Northern California and Southern Oregon, it's known as "The 51st state" and it's weird, see for yourself: http://www.jeffersonstate.com
  • Mother fuckers carve giant wood mermaids up there it's a skill that requires artistic ability and a easy access to shrooms
  • Really pretty Beaches
  • B.) Central California
  • This is where tomatoes come from
  • Steinbeck
  • I was in Salinas once and the weekly paper had a cover story about how Central Valley teens were the most promiscuous in the nation. After that, no matter what everyone I encountered looked like this to me and I just wanted to go far, far away.
  • Really Pretty Beaches
  • C.) Southern California
  • I live here, in LA, LA is okay, I mean there are 9 million people here and I can promise that at around 400 of them are cool (yes this includes the guys who work at my local 7-11 and Peter Scolari)
  • Orange County is the worst
  • Long Beach is second worst and the ship there is not really haunted
  • Lots of old dudes will hit on you here, but I find that to be true with most everywhere, it's only that in LA the old dudes probably score a little more.
  • Not as many trust fund fuckers as New York, but enough to make you crazy
  • Colorado
  • People who live in Colorado think they are somehow better than everyone else in America, you'll here them say things like "The air is just cleaner here!" and "Honestly, what would I do if I didn't have the mountains?" Hey losers, you are only one state away from Wyoming so take your Patagonia jacket and shitty tasting micro brew and fuck off!
  • Okay, I actually like Colorado, but I have encountered that attitude there a few too many times (being a kid from Wyoming) so I needed to say that
  • The name means Color Red
  • Colorado Springs is the scary church captial of the USA, this is where Ted Haggard's old church was and his was only one of many
  • Connecticut
  • Rich people and David Letterman (also a rich person) live there
  • The first few scenes in "Valley of The Dolls"
  • Delaware
  • First Colony
  • My Grandma lived there
  • We used to spend summers at Rehoboth Beach, turns out that is a pretty big gay beach but I never knew that as a kid
  • The Dupont family pretty much owns this state
  • I saw a drug store there called "Happy Harry's"
  • District of Columbia
  • Lots of crime and people in suites
  • Florida
  • Disney
  • Scientology headquarters
  • Fad diets
  • old people
  • bad bad music
  • worst state
  • I do however know some really great, nice people from this place so, maybe, just maybe it isn't all bad
  • Georgia
  • Peaches not Peaches
  • Basketball Player's houses
  • These guys
  • Hawaii
  • Jonestown surviver Vern Gosney
  • Idaho
  • Skinheads
  • Potatoes
  • Gus Van Sant
  • I ate a a JB's there on a road trip, my waitress looked like this
  • Illinois
  • Sausage
  • Steel Plow was invented there (John Deer)
  • Super model Cindy Crawford
  • Improv comedy
  • Indiana
  • Road signs are hard to read there
  • Jim Jones cult leader is from there
  • David Letterman (rich person) is from there (friend of D. Letterman P. Shaffer)
  • Iowa
  • Gay Rights!
  • Dairy Products
  • Big smiling faces 
  • Kansas
  • Gates of hell are there in Stull
  • Tornados
  • Lawerence Kansas is supposed to be really cool and full of nice people, but everyone who has ever told me that takes a lot of drugs
  • Kentucky
  • Louisiana
  • Doesn't have counties like other states but has "parishes"
  • Lots of alligators
  • Drinking on boats
  • Voodoo
  • Jazz
  • Spicy food
  • Maine
  • Stephen King
  • Rocks and lighthouses
  • Best and biggest kitty cats! (Maine Coon cats)
  • Maryland
  • John Waters
  • Muskrats
  • Massachusetts
  • Pilgrims
  • Camelot
  • Rich nerds in college
  • Michigan
  • has the cutest state seal ever
  • Motown!
  • Minnesota
  • Really nice people
  • Drug Rehabs
  • Biggest mall
  • Lutherans
  • Mississippi
  • Barefoot kids on rafts
  • Long hot summers
  • obesity
  • Missouri
  • Gateway to the west
  • Known as the "puke" state
  • I'm going there next week
  • Montana
  • The most beautiful moutains and rivers this drunk lady has ever seen ( I agree)
  • Unabomber
  • Relaxing! super relaxing
  •  
  • Nebraska
  • Nicest people I have ever met!
  • Cars shaped like stonehenge
  • Runza!
  • Hipsters
  • Nevada
  • severe depression
  • Axe body spray
  • alcoholism
  • Cutt'n farts
  • Satan lives there
  • New Hampshire
  •  Christian science  founder Mary Baker Eddy
  • Presidents eat lots of burgers there
  • lovely homes
  • New Jersey
  • Guys like this guy
  • and this guy
  • and these guys
  • New Mexico
  • Weird looking places
  • Art that Gradma loves
  • Stuff like this goes on there
  • New York
  • The worst seasons of SNL were recorded live in this state
  • North Carolina
  • Was "last to join the Confederacy" so I guess they are awful, but only because of peer pressure.
  • This happened there one time
  • North Dakota
  • It's a SnowTownChristmasLand there
  • Ohio
  • people there eat stuff like this
  • They show "The Drew Carey Show" on flights going into Cleveland
  • Ohio's favorite movie is:
  • All of the people I have known from here are very kind
  • Oklahoma
  • The name Oklahoma comes from the Choctaw phrase okla homma, literally meaning raisin-faced ferret.
  • Thuderstorms happen there
  • Shitty communtiy theaters and Jr. Colleges in all the 50 states are indebted to Oklahoma for the shitty musical about it
  • Oregon
  • Eugene Oregon is known for shit like this:
  • Portland Oregon is know for shit like this: 
  • The rest of the state is known for having a Goonies rock
  • Pennsylvania
  • "Keystone" state 
  • Amish people live there
  • This guy lives there too
  • Rhode Island
  • I am scared of Rhode Island because of Amityville!
  • I am also scared of this food called "Hot weiners Rhode Island Style"
  • South Carolina
  • Has the dumbest beauty queens
  • State Flag looks like an album cover from a Muslim Reggae band
  • South Dakota
  • Many pregant 14-year-old girls and their moms love Black Hills gold rings!
  • Sturgis
  • Rapid City
  • Tennessee
  • Texas
  • Some of the best things come from Texas
  • And some of the worst
  • Utah
  • Most people who live in this state have blonde hair, round, yet pleasant bodies and about 5.2 children
  • This is the only place I have EVER fucking been that plays the national anthem everyday in the fucking shopping mall
  • The only state where people don't think Mormonism is crazy
  • Vermont
  • Syrup
  • Newhart
  • Equal Rights
  • yay! Vermont!
  • Virginia
  • You can go to Thomas Jefferson's house in this state!
  • The very sweetest pups are found in Virginia
  • This happens there
  • So does this
  • Washington
  • Washington has five volcanos
  • Kurt Cobain
  • and the best grocery store I've ever been to in Poulsbro
  • my mom is there
  • West Virginia
  • Most racist state
  • Mothman lives there
  • Wisconsin
  • cheese
  • The Onion
  • These babes
  • Wyoming
  • I grew up there, there is a lot of this
  • this
  • this
  • and this (Meth)
  • Fin