Eyebrows

Q: I've never plucked my eyebrows before and all of my friends are making fun of me.  I'm afraid I won't know what I'm doing.  How do I know when to stop?  -- Name withheld by request

 Hi Stacy,

 You're friends sound like real bitches. I don't know what you look like but I'm sure your eyebrows are fine. If you really, really want to get some advice on eyebrow plucking you can go to your local library and find a girl's beauty guide from late 70's or go to a nail salon and ask them to wax them.

  I don't have crazy eyebrows but I do get them waxed. Sometimes, when people do my makeup for "Hollywood" type things they say "oh! your eyebrows are terrible" and they pluck them for me. What those fools don't know, is that I knew that I would get them plucked for free if I let them go crazy before starting the job (haha!). So there's that, you can work every now in then in low budget cable sketch comedy and indie movies and get your eyebrows done for free or you can hire a Russian woman to do it for you. I will warn you though, there IS danger is eyebrow waxing.

 Once, I was getting my eyebrows waxed in the back room of a beauty supply store when crazy people with guns came in and knocked everything off the shelves. The woman who was waxing my eyebrows locked the door and then said "Jesus Christ! This again?" Turns out it has something to do with the Russian Mafia or something, she didn't really explain, but didn't change me. Nobody was hurt, but even so I was very scared. I learned an important lesson that day and that is that a little bit of a unibrow is much sexier then being killed by the Russian Mafia.

 Also, don't wax your privates, it's lame and if your boyfriend tells you that you should you should dump him.