An Open Letter To Juggalos

Dear Juggalos,

 Over a year ago, I made a picture blog about Juggalos that stated that Juggalos have different DNA than people. Clearly, I know that isn't true. It's a joke. Juggalos have the same DNA as people. After all, people are terrible.

 I've gotten a lot of angry emails from Juggalos. Not a shock. When you put something out there, you have to expect that people are going to have different responses, and since I was clearly making fun of Juggalos, I expected some “clown hate”.

 I was struck by some of these letters though. Some were almost sweet in their anger, wanting me to know that Juggalos are good people and not "haters". Of course others were not so sweet, telling me that I should “die” and that I am “a whore who should be cut” and that it's because of people like me that "things like Nazis and Ruwanda happened", (I'm not sure what exactly that statement means,  I think he means Rwanda which still doesn’t make sense). Collectively, the response let me know one thing.  I may have hurt some Juggalos, Juggalos that took the time to actually write and let me know they were offended. I didn't mean to do that. I figured that Juggalos were having fun beating up Tila Tequila (a fight where picking a side is like choice between being retarded or blind) to read blog posts about their fictitious forefathers. But they did, they’ve responded (a lot), and they are upset.

 I'm sure that there are nice Juggalos, many of whom may even be possibly smart. I didn't make the blog because I have any real hate for Juggalos, or really for ICP for that matter. I think ICP makes horrible music, but I understand teenagers who find themselves belonging to a subculture that sprung from music and for the first time feel they are a part of something.

 I felt this way about punk rock and as a misfit kid in a small town where I didn't fit in, in a family that I didn't really connect with. That music, and the friends I made involved in that scene,  quite possibly saved my life. And though a lot of the punk I listened to I consider good music to this day, like The Buzzcocks and Sham 69, I listened to silly bullshit music too like Blink 182. Thankfully, I’ve grown up in my music taste, and now listen to lots of music, and am able to deal with emotions like anger and loneliness. But the point is I understand how music (even shitty music) can help you find your identity in a lonely world.

 I know that a lot of Juggalos are misfit kids and that is the last group I ever, ever want to target or berate. I love misfit kids, as I stated I was one of them. I'm a misfit adult, that's why I do comedy. I understand feeling like society sucks because society does suck. And if being a Juggalo is what makes life in a shitty town better for you than fucking go for it. Paint your face up and drink Faygo until' you piss yourself.

 Now, this is not an apology, I think ICP is a really shitty band and I think that many of their songs are ignorant, hateful, sexist, ugly and inane. I don't think that they are the "right music" for teens who want to rebel, but what the fuck do I know? I'm a grown up. My thinking The Dead Kennedys or The Clash are just better bands is irrelevant to a pissed off kid. 

To the girl whose photo I used, please know that I didn't mean to bring you any stress or pain or ill will. I just thought it was funny. Admittedly my photoshopping is really bad, which is kind of the joke. I can understand you wanting me to take it down, so I did. I hope you are cool with that and understand that these are just silly blogs and your picture had just come up on a juggalo photo search, so I didn’t think about rights. This is something that for many reasons, I will be more careful of in the future.

 Juggalos are an easy target and since writing that blog (again, over a year ago), I’ve noticed that a lot of the comedy world has come down on that scene. Though I think in many cases it’s well deserved and funny, I’ve moved on, because at this point it’s just hacky and there are more important fuckers to make fun of. There are people like Sarah Palin, Michele Bachman  and Scott Walker  and movements like the Tea Party who are doing actual harm to the American people and trying to dumb it down and repress the poor. Though I do think that ICP and other shitty bands are a sign that people are just getting dumber, I realize they are not an actual enemy. They are just a crappy band. Most music out there right now, at least popular music, is terrible. 

I do recommend though, that if you want to be taken seriously, you should have smarter people represent you and your movement. You shouldn’t so publicly celebrate stupidity. I've been on and and I have to say that as an outsider, it seems like a lot of the people that call themselves Juggalos just aren't very bright. I'm sure that this isn't entirely true though. I'm sure there are some smart Juggalos. That is something I cannot say for members of the Tea Party.

 My main problem with ICP is that it isn't good music. It's really, really bad and many of the "lyrics" are disgusting and offensive. To demonstrate this, here are some lyrics from ICP “songs”.

"Red Neck Hoe";
Bitch, you gotta red neck 
But you look kinda straight so I'm bout to step

Heard you like fucking in pig pens
You never seen boys, so you fuck your girlfriends

Bitch, I know you's a ho
So let me fuck you with my big toe

"Blacken Your Eyes"

I think I hurt a hoe a helpless drunken hoe 
Someone tell me so do I hear a hoe? 
Bitch, get in the car then I'll take you to the bar 
But I took her to the alley, and kicked her with the balley 
Stomped her in her face, her chicky chicky face 
You took my heart and bit it so I took your lip and split it 
You took my life and crushed it I took your head and bust it 
I take your leg and break it I take your life and take it 
And bitch it's no surprise I'm not like other guys 
Take it, take it, take it cut off your head and bake it 
And bitch it's no surprise I'm quick to blacken your eyes

 Now, for a group of people, who, in letters to me, have expressed that they don't like being represented as stupid and don't want to hurt people, they should really look at the degrading messages that ICP promotes. I mean, for fuck’s sake that “song” “Blacken Your Eyes” is about beating a woman and cutting her head off. I get that they don’t really do that, just like I know that they don’t really have different DNA than humans, but really, if you are going to rally around a band that has lots of songs about killing people, mutilating corpses and raping women, you shouldn’t be surprised when people “are haters”.

Juggalos should also realize that if you are going to dress like a clown, people are going to laugh at you, because that is the whole reason people started dressing like clowns. The word clown means comic entertainer in a costume and exaggerated makeup. It also means an unsophisticated country person; a rustic. I’m pretty sure you want to be seen as dim-wits and simpletons and that you want to be laughed at, but just in case you don’t, wash that shit off your face.

For me any clown or clown image just makes me a little sick, from commedia dell’arte to  John Wayne Gacy, clowns have just given me the fucking creeps. I don't understand why anyone could ever be into something so lame, but I respect that people are. It’s a lame world we live in. The mediocre and unexceptional is celebrated and the extraordinary is ignored.

This is a world where Donald Trump, Charlie Sheen, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulture and The Jersey Shore cast all have millions of dollars for doing nothing but harm to the American people, acting like selfish gross fuckwads, filling empty-headed people’s heads with malarkey, and making being so vacuous and narcissistic something that Americans look up to. All the while  teachers, social workers, charities and activists struggle to pay bills and are demonized by the right wing.

The problem isn’t ICP. ICP is just one of the many maladies we as a people are sickened with. A token that is easy to point to and say “See, people call this music, something is terribly wrong!” Americans are infected with a horrible disease. The rich get richer, the dumb get dumber and make more and more dumb babies. All the while, smart people are fewer and fewer, and people that actually give a shit about change, are too let down to do anything about it and are just focusing on getting retweeted.

Sorry Juggalos, I shouldn’t take it out on you. You aren’t the bad guy, Glenn Beck is.

Keep it Sleazy,